My baby turned 9 months on the November 6th. Just saying 9 months almost brings me to tears.
It is truly hard to describe how I am feeling right now, but I need to let it out. My heart is aching. My precious miracle is growing so fast.
I have had a big tub of clothes in her room for months that don't fit her, just sitting there. Open so I can see each onsie, each dress, each pajama. They haven't been folded or organized. Just lying in there. I have purposely mixed some of her other clothes that do fit her in with them so I have to dig around to find them. I know it sounds pathetic, but I just couldn't do it... Box up her clothes.
I guess my thought of it, of putting away her clothes is that it could possibly be the last time I will ever see them again. The last time I will ever hold them. Yes, I know some of you may be thinking that, "I'm being silly." Maybe I am, but not a day goes by that I am scared that I will not be able to have any more children or that I will struggle again and go through the pain like last time. The doctors could never give us a clear answer and that terrifies me. Who knows that even if we are blessed with other children, that we don't have anymore girls. I'm so incredibly grateful for my precious angel Kennley, but I ache for her to have a brother or sister.
I finally was able to find the strength to put the clothes away last week. It was extremely hard. A tear escaped here and there while I folded each piece gently and placed it in the big tub. Kennley was playing in the background, smiling and babbling away. She gives me strength.
No, we have not started trying for another child yet. We have not received our answer yet. I know though that everything is in the Lord's hands. I know that if we are not given the opportunity to bear another child as quickly as we would like or even at all, I know the Lord has a different plan for us and that we are truly blessed with our most precious Kennly Ann.
I guess my thought of it, of putting away her clothes is that it could possibly be the last time I will ever see them again. The last time I will ever hold them. Yes, I know some of you may be thinking that, "I'm being silly." Maybe I am, but not a day goes by that I am scared that I will not be able to have any more children or that I will struggle again and go through the pain like last time. The doctors could never give us a clear answer and that terrifies me. Who knows that even if we are blessed with other children, that we don't have anymore girls. I'm so incredibly grateful for my precious angel Kennley, but I ache for her to have a brother or sister.
I finally was able to find the strength to put the clothes away last week. It was extremely hard. A tear escaped here and there while I folded each piece gently and placed it in the big tub. Kennley was playing in the background, smiling and babbling away. She gives me strength.
No, we have not started trying for another child yet. We have not received our answer yet. I know though that everything is in the Lord's hands. I know that if we are not given the opportunity to bear another child as quickly as we would like or even at all, I know the Lord has a different plan for us and that we are truly blessed with our most precious Kennly Ann.
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